A Month in the Miserable Mill

JUST FOLLOW YOUR INSTINCTS, but not all instincts could be right. Some were just pure imaginations that could easily disappear with your unicorn and knight-in-shining armor. It's in the nature of human to tolerate these kind of fallacies to overlap reality yet our pride still makes them exist.

To add....

There are two kinds of fears: RATIONAL and IRRATIONAL. Some makes sense, some don't-- well you're not really sure what they are but you sometimes feel that there's something sketchy about it. For instance, being afraid of the boogieman is totally rational, because there may be a creepy monster under your bed, ready to scare and eat you alive. But fear of the future is irrational fear. Well, future is really unpredictable, it really depends on what we do now. We always have a thought in our head that we'll be rich or maybe we will meet someone perfect for us someday but again, we don't know. So it's completely irrational to be terrified of it. It's like a  hiding it's true nature.

Here's the story. I was a victim of a reckless planning. I thought dreaming big could lead me to bigger success. Unfortunately, I was wrong. I was drowned by my own dream that I forgot other opportunities, other people, my country. I was selfish and a pain in the ass. I got so scared on what exactly will happen to my future if I stay, so I thought big! I left those who cared to me the most because I thought I could give them extravagant life afterwards. Yet again, I was wrong.

Early in 2014, I and my two other friends decided to get a job in Singapore, the place where many (literally many) Filipinos strive to work to earn $$$. We thought it was easy. I thought it was the dream that could save me and say "I'm experiencing financial freedom at an early age.....

Whenever I tell people that I'll work in Singapore, the usual reaction is "Wow! Ang galing naman. Yayaman ka dun." Okay, have you known me 100% as a person? I'm a walking-talking disaster and not everyone in abroad are rich. I just realized, we were so startled to live abroad that we forget how great it is to live in our own country. We get so caught up in the "Filipino Dream", to fly to a foreign country that we didn't even study how good our country is if we would stay.

I applied for 200+ job applications there and I got 6 interviews but none of them made me feel it's a worthwhile career/life head-start. Luckily, the night before my flight, I was given an information that there's an opening to the only company here that I want to work for (actually, during my long months of planning, I forgot how much I want to work there) so I also passed my CV there while I'm also in SG. During my days of waiting for an interview, I got a call in the PH about my job application. They were asking for my availability. At first, I was hesitant to accept it because I was still closed-minded about working there. After some days, I realized how tough it was to live there and how inexperienced I am with life and my dream job positions. 

I decided after so many persuasions from my family and boyfriend that it was time for me to go home. When my thoughts cleared up, I saw what people want me to understand before. The moral story is to NEVER EAT APPLES without knowing the consequence. After less than 2 weeks, I decided to book for a flight but we decided to just use the remaining days to tour around.

My experience is somewhat small for some of you but it means a lot for me knowing that my future was depending on that choice. However, on the bright side-- God wouldn't have made me have a short-dark experience unless he was trying to tell me something.